May 05, 2012

Help! Help! In Chennai

'Chennai Corporation . . .'
'No sir'

'Chennai Corporation Complaints 1913?'

'Yes sir'

'Can you please take my complaint. . .the streetlights in Avvai Nagar have not been burning for a week now and there are street dogs all over and we cannot sight them . .

' Sir, please don't rush. . .we have a problem here . .'

' But aren't you supposed to take note of our complaints?'

'Yes sir, but we don't have the staff sir'

'But you are talking to me now . .'

'Yes sir, but did you not know the staff are suspended?"

'OK, OK but the streetlights not burning is a big problem for seniors . '

' Sir, our Mayor suspended the staff so how can we work?'

'Maybe the Mayor took the right action?'

'What right action? Hundreds of people like you keep calling about lights and dogs and roads and potholes and how do you expect 4 people to take down all these complaints?'

'But that's why you are given the jobs na?'

'What jobs sir, do you think the Mayor knows the headaches we have?'

'He says you people had not taken down our plaints and so he threw you out'

'Sir, why do you keep calling us? Why don't you file your problem online?

'I did but . . '

'Then why are you bothering us sir?'

' I filed complaints three times about the drains . . '

' You would have got quick reply no'

'Yes, they sent one SMS - your complaint has been noted. Then a second SMS - your complaint has been upgraded to division engineer. Then they sent third SMS - your complaint will be looked at by the engineer . . '

'Then why do you want to call 1913 sir?

'The engineer calls and says we will do our best but nothing happens . . '

'So will the Mayor throw out all those engineers? He does not understand sir and we poor people get caught'

'So will you take down my complaint or not?

'Sir, may I make a suggestion? Why don't you call 9999?'

'Is it the Mayor's hotline?'

'No no sir . .'

' I read the police are getting a common helpline to cover traffic and ambulance and  . .'

'Good idea, good idea . .'

' But what is that 9999/'

'It is the Mother of all Helpline numbers sir. Just call now'


Raghuram Venkatesan said...

what is '9999' btw ??
mother of all helplines ??

Vincent D' Souza said...

This is a tongue-in-cheek column. 9999 is a fictional number!